This started a discussion after I read it, I asked my wife what she thought and the answer surprised me. She said she was pretty much always scared. She works an hour away and is afraid of leaving, is worried about my working in my shop all day, about me being alone.
She has never been shy about saying what she thinks or feels, not always a good thing. Years agto we were headed home to Colorado from our boat in Door co Wisconsin, long story there too. We decided to take the long way and went through Rapid City and by Devils Tower in Wyoming. At the time the motor cycle rally In Sturgis was going on, we pulled into a gas station and sat behind a couple of bikers in their club jackets, big patches on the back and all. They filled up and walked in to pay, she started to yell at them to move!!! I stopped her and asked if she was trying to get us killed, us in a little red Nissan, filled with sailing gear and two cats. She just never seemed to be all that afraid of things. So I never gave it much thought.
But she has said things since my diagnosis, sometimes thinking back I guess she was scared that I was doing something I probably shouldn't have been, trying to prove to her or myself I could still do this or that. Sometimes I will get upset because I feel like I'm being treated like a child, sometimes I act like one, but she does it because she is afraid. She I think sees my limits better than I do and tells me so. I can take pretty good care of myself, but I do things that with a little thought, like a child, I wouldn't do. More and more that happens, more and more I give her reason to be worried.
She has taken me to the emergency room more than once against my objections, she was right to do it. I get upset, but there has to be an adult in the house sometimes. Not to say that I'm always that way, but sometimes I hate to admit I can't do something. I'm glad that she speaks out when she's scared, I hate the fact that she has to. I do take it personal, I do get mad and I do get over it.
Living with Parkinson's sucks,I think loving someone with Parkinson's is hell. It's hard being in this body,with this brain that are both going bad, but I am not the one watching it, unable to do anything but worry and be scared. We are both powerless, helpless, but it's a little like driving a car going out of control, if you're the driver you still have the illusion of being in control, if you're the passenger your just scared and watching a crash. The truth is.you're both scared.
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