Dealing with the name calling was hard other things were much harderwalking down the hall and haveing guys in a group calling names then have one run and jump andkick/push to see how far I'd fall and slide was the worst, and it was always groups never alone. Typical coward and bully behavior. Going to the principal was useless so I just lived with it.
Home was not much better, my dad had always had a mean streak especially when he drank, and he did drink. when I was 6 or 7 he dtarted making me go with him. I would sit and have a pop and fritos while he sat and drank and talked with his buddies. By the time I was 9 I was driving him home.
So after my folks picked me up it was a long ride home. My dad said very little, in fact he was pretty quiet all week end. Then all hell broke loose. I expected punishment but this was almost surreal. It was a nice day sunny warmand just sfter lunch he exploded. It was just him, my mother , an me at home . It started slow like a volcano. He started say stuff and then how I ruined his life. I guess his drinking pals started saying things, to the point he had to change bars. He started pushing and punching and throwing me around the house. The he pulled out a butcher knife and trowing it at me yelling I ruined his life he wanted me to KILL HIM. This lasted for what seems like hours. My mother just screaming and crying. She couldn't stop him and neither could I. By the time it wss over I wanted to fill his wish.
The only reason I added all this to the story is I have had so many who knew the basic story comment how proud I should be of it. How amazing it was. An amazing adventure and so on. I am not criticizing any one, I think that what the result was for me was a wonderful career. I went on to fulfill my dream of flying. I will say that my dad did become very proud of what I had accomplished. Even took him with me on a few freight flights.
This is pretty well the whole story of my taking the airplane on April 30 1965. As I said this is part of what is just one chapter of my life. I'm not sure I have ever told the whole story to anyone. It has taken a long time to open up on this. I know I have told some.
Like I said this was a very big event in my life and had a large effect on who I am. The story continued for several years, this was the worst part. The legal result was I was put on probation until I was 18. The only condition was that I could not go to the airport with out an adult. At 14 I joined the Civil Air Patrol and was at the airport for the next 40 years.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
49 years ago today
As I started writing about myself, my life the events of 49 years ago today are a major driving part of my life.
I think after next year 50 years maybe I will be able to let it go, we'll see. I did so many things to my life from then on it's hard to quantify but in the spirit of writing about my life for my kids and grand kids I am going to talk honestly and fully about what I did, why I did it, and the effect it had.
The day was just picture perfect spring day, I got up got ready for school left as usual but on the way to the bus stop something changed. For some reason for the first time in my life I just didn't go to school. Instead I did as I had done 100'ds of times I went to the airport. I walked through a small woods, left a math textbook there. Then I just went bumming around the airport.
After a couple of hours sticking my nose in airplanes, walking through the hangers I came across a cessna 150 with the key in it. I'm not sure why but I took it and continued walking around.
At the time another airport nearby was flooded and all the airplanes and a temporary control tower wer at this airport so there was much more than usual to look at. At some point I got in another cessna 150, the one pictured above, pulled out the key and started it!!! It started to move and I didn't know where the brakes were. All the reading I had done never really mentioned them. Now moving and afraid I taxied to the runway. I could remember most of what i had read and kept on going. As I approached the end of the runway the tower gave me a green light meaning I was cleared fot takeoff. I did.
The take off was less than professional looking and they guessed right away that this was not right. It was however too late, I was flying and had no intention of coming back. What followed was about 15 minutes that passed between terror and wonder. I was flying not well by any standard but I was flying. I knew I had to land sooner or later so I picked a corn field to land in. Very poor choice as I was later able to tell many of the people I taught to fly without giving them the details. Anyway there are a couple of points I want to stress, first I picked a place to land and landed there. Second is that the airplane had been on all three wheels after I landed, but going across the rows the nose gear snapped and I flipped over hitting my head on the instrument panel and causing a pretty good cut in my forehead. Hanging upside down I released the seat belt and got the hell out of there.
Bloody and dirty running like crazy and not realizing that I had been followed on radar from the moment I left the ground it was not long before police, fire, and ambulance arrived on scene. Not to mention a local St. Paul tv station and a reporter named Quinten Neufeld. At the time they had no trouble showing a minor on tv and by dinner time all of my friends and their parents knew about it. This is where my world went to hell.
Bleeding like I was the first place I went was a hospital in Hastings Mn for stitches to my fore head and to wait for my parents. That as you can imagine did not go well. By dinner time I had heard from all of my friendsn, they were no longer allowed to be around me. This was a Friday when I went to school on Monday it was all over. The name calling pushing and what ever bullying you can imagine began that Monday. It lasted until the day I graduated. I had a few friends over the remaining 5 years and to everyone of them I am eternally greatful.
The bullying even extended to teachers. Remember I said I left a math book in the woods, well someone found it and turned it in. My math teacher at the time was Mr. Woods funny huh. Well he decided to all by himself teach me a lesson about "leaving a book out there" and proceeded to join in with most of my classmates and started beating me up inthe hallway. Very tough guy taking on a 13 year old kid. For thebiggest part of the rest of my time at that school I avoided it and everyone. I honestly believe if I would have had access to guns the way they are out there now. I bring this part up because it profoundly changed the way I looked at and remember my school years, and also thst bullying isn't something new but it is something you can survive and even thrive. I went on followed my dream and became an airline pilot. The fellow who owned the plane taught me how to fly, hired me as a flight instructor and helped me on my way to a career as an airline pilot.
The reporter Quint Neufeld on my 16th birthday came out and filmed my legal first solo flight and years later was news director at that same tv station who called to have me fly reporters and camera men to stories. The airplane I soloed in is the same one that is in the picture above.
The next part of the story is much harder to tell but equally important because it had a big influence on who I am. But its late and that is for next time.
The day was just picture perfect spring day, I got up got ready for school left as usual but on the way to the bus stop something changed. For some reason for the first time in my life I just didn't go to school. Instead I did as I had done 100'ds of times I went to the airport. I walked through a small woods, left a math textbook there. Then I just went bumming around the airport.
After a couple of hours sticking my nose in airplanes, walking through the hangers I came across a cessna 150 with the key in it. I'm not sure why but I took it and continued walking around.
At the time another airport nearby was flooded and all the airplanes and a temporary control tower wer at this airport so there was much more than usual to look at. At some point I got in another cessna 150, the one pictured above, pulled out the key and started it!!! It started to move and I didn't know where the brakes were. All the reading I had done never really mentioned them. Now moving and afraid I taxied to the runway. I could remember most of what i had read and kept on going. As I approached the end of the runway the tower gave me a green light meaning I was cleared fot takeoff. I did.
The take off was less than professional looking and they guessed right away that this was not right. It was however too late, I was flying and had no intention of coming back. What followed was about 15 minutes that passed between terror and wonder. I was flying not well by any standard but I was flying. I knew I had to land sooner or later so I picked a corn field to land in. Very poor choice as I was later able to tell many of the people I taught to fly without giving them the details. Anyway there are a couple of points I want to stress, first I picked a place to land and landed there. Second is that the airplane had been on all three wheels after I landed, but going across the rows the nose gear snapped and I flipped over hitting my head on the instrument panel and causing a pretty good cut in my forehead. Hanging upside down I released the seat belt and got the hell out of there.
Bloody and dirty running like crazy and not realizing that I had been followed on radar from the moment I left the ground it was not long before police, fire, and ambulance arrived on scene. Not to mention a local St. Paul tv station and a reporter named Quinten Neufeld. At the time they had no trouble showing a minor on tv and by dinner time all of my friends and their parents knew about it. This is where my world went to hell.
Bleeding like I was the first place I went was a hospital in Hastings Mn for stitches to my fore head and to wait for my parents. That as you can imagine did not go well. By dinner time I had heard from all of my friendsn, they were no longer allowed to be around me. This was a Friday when I went to school on Monday it was all over. The name calling pushing and what ever bullying you can imagine began that Monday. It lasted until the day I graduated. I had a few friends over the remaining 5 years and to everyone of them I am eternally greatful.
The bullying even extended to teachers. Remember I said I left a math book in the woods, well someone found it and turned it in. My math teacher at the time was Mr. Woods funny huh. Well he decided to all by himself teach me a lesson about "leaving a book out there" and proceeded to join in with most of my classmates and started beating me up inthe hallway. Very tough guy taking on a 13 year old kid. For thebiggest part of the rest of my time at that school I avoided it and everyone. I honestly believe if I would have had access to guns the way they are out there now. I bring this part up because it profoundly changed the way I looked at and remember my school years, and also thst bullying isn't something new but it is something you can survive and even thrive. I went on followed my dream and became an airline pilot. The fellow who owned the plane taught me how to fly, hired me as a flight instructor and helped me on my way to a career as an airline pilot.
The reporter Quint Neufeld on my 16th birthday came out and filmed my legal first solo flight and years later was news director at that same tv station who called to have me fly reporters and camera men to stories. The airplane I soloed in is the same one that is in the picture above.
The next part of the story is much harder to tell but equally important because it had a big influence on who I am. But its late and that is for next time.
Living in chronic pain
Something that is very hard to explain to someone is what living with chronic pain is like. Everyone has pain now and then, sometimes it's even frequent. Maybe an asprin or two will take care of it. But true chronic pain is ALWAYS THERE, IT NEVER GOES AWAY. it is there in the morning and it is there when you go to bed. Pills can ease the pain, put it a little in the background but it is always there. I bring this up because one, I am very familiar myself with this but I know several people who suffer this day in and day out.
Unfortunately for most of us it is so hard to quantify, it is hard to get Dr's to believe and hard to make family and friends understand. No one I know who lives this way wants sympathy just understanding. Whether it is like my leg cramping and feeling like my feet are trying to fold. To CRPS which is Complex Radiating Pain Syndrome, which continues to get worse and is debilitating. Sometimes drugs help, sometimes not but most of us do not want to go through life under the influence of drugs. Most try to just push through the pain as much as possible taking pills only when it gets to bad. I does however prevent people from doingmany of the things we would normally do.
It like many other things are unseen medical problem. No different than say depression. It is so easy to judge and not believe, I was guilty of that myself but lucky me I get to learn about it myself. Karma I guess. Thing is I know of no one who lives with this or makes claim of this to "game" the system. Believe me most would give almost anything to be back to normal. Disability insurance does not come near to a normal jobs pay or the loss of a lifelong career that was a dream.
Constant pain.
Loss of sleep.
Loss of income.
It is not a choice anyone would make. So please be a bit more understanding and a little less judgmental.
Unfortunately for most of us it is so hard to quantify, it is hard to get Dr's to believe and hard to make family and friends understand. No one I know who lives this way wants sympathy just understanding. Whether it is like my leg cramping and feeling like my feet are trying to fold. To CRPS which is Complex Radiating Pain Syndrome, which continues to get worse and is debilitating. Sometimes drugs help, sometimes not but most of us do not want to go through life under the influence of drugs. Most try to just push through the pain as much as possible taking pills only when it gets to bad. I does however prevent people from doingmany of the things we would normally do.
It like many other things are unseen medical problem. No different than say depression. It is so easy to judge and not believe, I was guilty of that myself but lucky me I get to learn about it myself. Karma I guess. Thing is I know of no one who lives with this or makes claim of this to "game" the system. Believe me most would give almost anything to be back to normal. Disability insurance does not come near to a normal jobs pay or the loss of a lifelong career that was a dream.
Constant pain.
Loss of sleep.
Loss of income.
It is not a choice anyone would make. So please be a bit more understanding and a little less judgmental.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
All about me
Tonight I was convinced by a friend to write a biography, seem kind of strange to think I have that much to say about myself, but it has been an interesting life I guess. My pretending to fly a rocketship 5 years before sputnik. My stealing an airplane at 13 and the aftermath of that, which truly set my life in motion. Being bullied and the butt of jokes through jr and sr high. My life as a pilot, raising a family and not doing so well at that. Then falling in Love again and spending the last 19 years with the love of my life. Being diagnosed with parkinson's and the effect on my life.
To be very clear I loved the mother of my children too but we both changed, and life as it does throws us curves we never see coming. I have as friends some of the best people I have ever met and I have met and shaken hands with some of the most intetesting people on the planet. I can honestly say I have been one hand shake away from some of the most powerful leaders on the earth. I have had as passengers some of the biggest stars and every person who ever flew with me got the best I had to give.
The life I have led so far has been very rewarding, the life I am embarking on now is filled with anguish and fear. I am doing this for my children and grandchildren. I was not always there when I should have been, or wished I could have been. The story is a long one and not always a happy one. I am going to try to remember all the big events and as many of the ones that seemed little at the timebut still had an impact. So all I can say is I will be as honest as I can in my memories and will try not to hurt anyone.
This will be the story of my life. Not a NY TIMES best seller but it will be my life. From a child who dreampt of flying to my headlong desent into parkinson's and it's own house of horrors. Lookong back to when I first felt something was "not right" until the present. From the day we are concieved until the day we die it is a crap shoot. Highs and lows here we go.
Parts I will share here, others you will just have to wait for the movie version.
To be very clear I loved the mother of my children too but we both changed, and life as it does throws us curves we never see coming. I have as friends some of the best people I have ever met and I have met and shaken hands with some of the most intetesting people on the planet. I can honestly say I have been one hand shake away from some of the most powerful leaders on the earth. I have had as passengers some of the biggest stars and every person who ever flew with me got the best I had to give.
The life I have led so far has been very rewarding, the life I am embarking on now is filled with anguish and fear. I am doing this for my children and grandchildren. I was not always there when I should have been, or wished I could have been. The story is a long one and not always a happy one. I am going to try to remember all the big events and as many of the ones that seemed little at the timebut still had an impact. So all I can say is I will be as honest as I can in my memories and will try not to hurt anyone.
This will be the story of my life. Not a NY TIMES best seller but it will be my life. From a child who dreampt of flying to my headlong desent into parkinson's and it's own house of horrors. Lookong back to when I first felt something was "not right" until the present. From the day we are concieved until the day we die it is a crap shoot. Highs and lows here we go.
Parts I will share here, others you will just have to wait for the movie version.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Screaming on the inside
I'm sorry for not getting back with you all sooner but like most this has been the mother of winters. So much going on so much staying the same. I feel my Parkinson's has been progressing, Shelleys hands aren't doing that well. My woodworking has slowed to a crawl and to those I have the biggest connection with I've let down.
I found out at some point in all this I had a "minor" stroke and on my brain MRI things are stable, what ever the hell that means. The Parkinson's meds aren't doing all that much I think and I believe also my dr thinks it is more. He mentioned MSA or multiple system atrophy. It is as scary as it sounds but only time will tell. Like with all this its time, waiting for another shoe to drop.
On one of the web sites I go to there is a fair amount of depression going on, which brings me to my point. I have been screaming out at something that has no interest in me or any other sick person....my disease. I do it not because it does any good but because I need a place to just scream. A Internet friend apologized to night for here crying out. Maybe afraid she thought we were thinking she wanted sympathy. I know thats not the case. We all with this need to cry out once in a while. It can only be done with those who are living it or living with it. It isn't crying or looking for sympathy it is just being who we are.
When I was a kid I saw a Vincent Price movir called " The Tingler", a movie that scsred the hell out of me. About a guy that believed if we couldn't scream we couldn't let go of fear and it would kill us. He had devided to kill his mute wife that way. She couldn't scream so this part of her a part in her spine called the tingler would grow so strong it would kill her. Simply because she could not scream, not let out the fear.
I have discovered that it's true, you have to have a placeto just cry out every once and again. I have never played the "why me" card. I have just accepted that it is what it is. I certainly can't get mad at " God", he has atleast on universe to run with maybe trillions of life form. But that night I really had no place to yell. Shit. I can't yell at my wife, not her fault,although sometimes I fear I might take it out on her I really try not too. She is dealing with something I need to be there for her with.
My main thought is that we all need a place to cry out to, even if no one appears to be listening we have to try. We all have pain, do we shout or do we just let it consume us. I have never been good at turning to friends, but then why have them. Even if they are only a name on a screen. On that I think I need that now more than ever. I do have some great friends that I will be seeing in the next couple of months.
I found out at some point in all this I had a "minor" stroke and on my brain MRI things are stable, what ever the hell that means. The Parkinson's meds aren't doing all that much I think and I believe also my dr thinks it is more. He mentioned MSA or multiple system atrophy. It is as scary as it sounds but only time will tell. Like with all this its time, waiting for another shoe to drop.
On one of the web sites I go to there is a fair amount of depression going on, which brings me to my point. I have been screaming out at something that has no interest in me or any other sick person....my disease. I do it not because it does any good but because I need a place to just scream. A Internet friend apologized to night for here crying out. Maybe afraid she thought we were thinking she wanted sympathy. I know thats not the case. We all with this need to cry out once in a while. It can only be done with those who are living it or living with it. It isn't crying or looking for sympathy it is just being who we are.
When I was a kid I saw a Vincent Price movir called " The Tingler", a movie that scsred the hell out of me. About a guy that believed if we couldn't scream we couldn't let go of fear and it would kill us. He had devided to kill his mute wife that way. She couldn't scream so this part of her a part in her spine called the tingler would grow so strong it would kill her. Simply because she could not scream, not let out the fear.
I have discovered that it's true, you have to have a placeto just cry out every once and again. I have never played the "why me" card. I have just accepted that it is what it is. I certainly can't get mad at " God", he has atleast on universe to run with maybe trillions of life form. But that night I really had no place to yell. Shit. I can't yell at my wife, not her fault,although sometimes I fear I might take it out on her I really try not too. She is dealing with something I need to be there for her with.
My main thought is that we all need a place to cry out to, even if no one appears to be listening we have to try. We all have pain, do we shout or do we just let it consume us. I have never been good at turning to friends, but then why have them. Even if they are only a name on a screen. On that I think I need that now more than ever. I do have some great friends that I will be seeing in the next couple of months.
It is time to go and see them, our land sailer and dingy are ready.
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